must i follow thee o great guru?

I should be doing work.
But at the pace, I'm going, I can finish the work between 2 hours or 2 years, depending on the mood I'm working at.
But I've something to vent out. I need to shout.
So as suggested by my closest accomplice (my right brain, the emotional one of the two), I postponed my drafting of SOC for something else to could save my sanity.

I procrastinate.

I hope this is not your another "i love my job,but I hate the work" blog, because after half a year of practice I suddenly am a stout believer that in this fraternity, we are all having a scandalous affair kind of career, the hate-love relationship.

The ones happy in their blissful marriage, having being made a jr partner already, seeing nothing but endless cute faced offsprings, I must congratulate you.

For I, am having a disastrous affair with a partner who is never talking but always watching my back like he's the second skin.
But at the same time, the amount of freedom gives me so much liberty to grow (much to my dismay, actually) independently.

I'm thrown out to the sea, no warnings given, no pat at the back if I succeed nor scoldings if I suck.

Honestly, I love being a legal associate. But I hate being unguided, much to the expectancy that I must know all that I've read in the law school must be applied aptly.
Thanks, at first I'm flattered because you believe me so much.
But no thanks, I need to learn as well.

Maybe I should just be grateful.
That I have to learn it the hard way.
The way that wild trees grow, uncut, ungroomed, unsheltered.
Because, he said, in extreme ways, thats how he learned his way.


I believe for me to go for his style of "extreme ways", I must learn to appreciate the kind of affair I'm having and just like any other terrible partner, be grateful that you are in, an affair with somebody (something) that you choose.
Somebody you love.
Something you like.


But (maybe I have little faith for what I can do, for what I am) I'm not like him.
Tell me I need to buck up, or stop being childish for wanting guidance?

Change my ways, yup?
Or change the boss, yup?

Ah.

Extreme ways are back again
Extreme places I didn't know
I broke everything new again
Everything that I'd owned
I threw it out the windows, came along
Extreme ways I know, will part
The colors of my sea
It's a perfect colored sea

Extreme ways that help me
They help me out late at night
Extreme places I had gone
But never seen any light
Dirty basements, dirty noise
Dirty places coming home
Extreme worlds alone
Did you ever like it then?

I would stand in line for this
There's always room in life for this

Oh baby, oh baby
Then it fell apart, it fell apart
Like it always does, always does

Extreme sounds have told me
They held me down every night
I didn't have much to say
I didn't give up the light
I closed my eyes and closed myself
And closed my world and never opened
Up to anything
That could get me at all

I had to close down everything
I had to close down my mind
Too many things could cut me
Too much can make me blind
I've seen so much in so many places
So many heartaches, so many faces
So many dirty things
You couldn't even believe

I would stand in line for this
There's always room in life for this

Oh baby, oh baby
Then it fell apart, it fell apart
Like it always does,
It always does