Saturday, December 16, 2006

informal informer

a.k.a makcik2 tren at the kl train stations. E.g:

"He's late again. Heard his head got disconected at the Putra station"

" Yeah he's done it again. He crashed some indonesian woman at the segambut track, and the incoming train picked up the poor lady and send her off straight without stopping to the Bank Negara station, where the 911 waited."

"If he comes on time, I'm sure he'll be able to keep all of us happy."m

Aaaah. They refer to the commuter train, affectionately as 'he'.

I'll get near to them as possible to hear their latest gossip about 'him'.

After all, knowing the reasons for anything would keep most people occupied and, forgiving.


Sunday, December 10, 2006

flowers and trees


i just love his band. And his cute mousache. I'm having a huge crush since Ethan Hawke (them both resembled a lot, no?) Fact he is a mormon. Hmm. He must have hard time filling his wives quota :P


Me and mom, we were just passing ttdi to pick up Nett from MU for her week long arab-camping, when the signboard of a shop caught my attention. PANGKAL MELATI.

Me: what a weird name for a shop.
Mom: 'Tis not. Its normal for trees.
Me: No, I'm thinking about THE person (here's one for u, mel)
Mom: Oh. ( A long pause) But Eun Sooh always wanted to be a tree.
Me: Really?
Mom: But thats so boring, I mean, being one. Forever stuck. Mak suka jalan-jalan.
Me: that what would you be?
Mom: I'll be a bird.
Me: Of all things! Thats even worse!!! to be stuck on one place, in between those~
Mom: That YOUR definition of a bird. I was talking about the REAL birds. In case you'd forgotten. The one with wings, not in the jeans.

Yeah people. Thats me and mom for you. No wonder....


Saturday, November 25, 2006

super schweet sugar glider

geram! and it'll cost me a whopping $400! but it doesnt require any cage, because it lives in SOCKS! its cute, and it can fly too! i want i want i want (guess i have to request from boss as a christmas pressie)


Thursday, November 23, 2006

bender and the bard

folks, meet my dad and my grandpa.

1st B
My paternal grandpa is a legend.
Having lived a life through the fast lane (he was a taxi driver), he roamed Gua musang-Kl in no time.
I dread his comments on driving (insecurity factor) but relished his proud comments :oh girl, you drive better than your brother *snicker snicker*.

He's cool, so laidback to a point that I must've inherited his "yeah whatever modus". We even call him ayah (dad) instead of the normal atuk tokwan and whatnots.
He drives a cool 200 kmph, and still complains on his slow driving. But he's the most safest driver I'd known (after my dad and ME, of course) ~ I could sleep through his racing back to Pasir Mas. We share the same interest on cars, rallying and simply, the fast and furious driving. He's shown to me what a alpina beemer is all but beauty. Ahh.
My grandma would sheepishly gossip about him, pointing to him and my dad, saying : "look at them. They look like brothers, no? "

They should've been. Dad's nearing 52, and my grandpa is 70+.
Dad wears the more bouldering burdens of responsibility look, and grandpa is so young at heart. He sports the stylish look, and dad the corporote look. So there.

But my cheeky brother really had to say: grandpa reminds him of Bender, of the Futurama fame.
Because he's 'light' and carefree.
Naughty me, but I concurred!(not at all admitting that he is of tin kosong,value: HE IS NOT! but truly, because he's cool and yeah..light). He had never been harsh to us. Except when he's into his wrestling antics. He's a fan. And my brother Fais inherited his hobby. It all runs in the family.

Second B
I was a sucker for shakespearean works since pakngah tried to shut me up by piling the bard's work when I was 10.
The weird twist and use of language. And since there on, I never spoke properly as I should (blaming is a defense mechanism. Works except against Mak) and I'd been a romantic hopeless if not melancholic loser.

I remember enthusiatiscally persuading Jenny from my literature class to believe that the Bard is gay, after falling in love with his sonnets, read it like mad and praying that someday soon the love of my life would recite a verse from it, or two or three.

Oh well. He had given that verse of sonnet to his ex (two of it, even) and I'd created a drama about it when I shouldn't! The poor guy gave that damned verses before me, so why la the big fuss??


And when he successfully cajouled me (when he shouldn't have to. But dearest is a sweetie), he gave a verse to me and yup. Another drama. I don't understand myself.
I'd wanted to have the damned sonnet from him, but I'm all ego building to know that I shared the same work with some ex.

I should've been grateful. And dearest was so patient. I love you.
Guess I'm all like you lasses out there, just selfish and bloody greedy.
Dearest, I know now. All that you are, is all that I want. I guess if all women in the world keep up with this mantra and be less demanding, the divorce rate could drop drastically. Dramatically of all sorts.


Ah. No wonder bard preferred the other man. Hahahahha.

Enough. Its the taming of the shrew!! (i am the shrew??)


Tuesday, November 21, 2006

#2 quotes on justice

Let every lover of liberty, every well-wisher to his posterity, swear by the blood of the revolution never to violate, in the least particular, the laws of the country and never to tolerate their violation by others.

Abraham Lincoln
Source: Words to remember, newspaper clipping, Albert W. Daw Collection

His light spreads out and this operation expresses nothing other than the ordered unfolding of His attributes over the non-being. What is called "the possibles" are those things which show themselves capable of receiving that light and those which are called "the impossibles" are those which are unable to receive the light. It is to just this that the Prophet - upon Him be Grace and Peace! - alluded when He said, "Allah created the creatures in the darkness, then He sprinkled them with His light. Those who were touched by some of this light are on the good way; and those who failed to be touched by it are astray."

'Abd al-Kader
Source: The Spiritual Writings of 'Abd al-Kader, 1995, Kitab al-Mawaqif, 287, p. 86


reply letter

Heyya kid,

I just came back from the court, successfully made someone a bankrupt, not a very honourable thing to do but it is for the sake of justice. Debts must be paid off, criminals must be punished and innocents vindicated. And the newly-bankrupt watched my brief in hatred.

But yet simple truth is that in everyday we mingle with things so evil, so different from the set of lives both of us used to have back in the garden of knowledge and virtue. Life back then was so pure and protected.


Now I'm binged and purged out of the garden to the nasty backtrash of our society. Mothers are not usually heroes, heroes are idiotic scapegoats who rather hang their heads low, the protectors of truth were usually easily bought, victims are sometimes dubious and self-mutilate, and those sharks everyone hates are us lawyers. I sometime skimmed myself with pride, tying to cajoule myself that we are the fighter of justice.
Just the same way you remember doctors as lifesavers.
Teachers as the torch-bearers of life.
And police, the guardians of law.

But here we are. The unlikely shark, the evil counsels sucking up from other people's misery. Yet I do not bite.
I still believe what I do is noble. Despite the fact it is not as simple diversion, of what is good and bad, evil or pure. I fight for justice, and for the unjustices fought, there is always, always a good reason to explain.

Yes, kiddo I am a changed person.
I no longer dress myself in such away would redeem respect from the same garden, but it is still well guarded.
I do not believe in scantily clad dress up would heightened my charisma, but it would cheapen the whole life of me.
I do not talk in soft spoken words of optimism, now I speak at the amount of sounding negative, but for me life is real, and I speak honestly and realistically. I neither hide my words for fear or favour. I speak now with short temper of annoyance, in reality wishing things can really work out like the plan should be. Perfect law for the imperfect perfect creations.
Do not chastise me for now I tick off the unnecessary impracticals, life is short and there's so much things to do. I am trying.
Voices are heard, and mine are not arrogant, just a meek cry for help.

How do I assure you, mine is a messy life, but I am passionate about it. And being passionate enough won't at the very least made me a person of no-hope. So there.

I suppose you were right when you say I still befriend the good people who kept close relations with God. Though I detach myself, shying away from the comrades I call family. I know now its hard to keep up, and the fight is still the same, but the ways are forked into two different notches: yours are directly linked, and mine still unclear.

why I detach is not a mystery. Simply because I feel now I'm pushed to another zone in our society that requires concentration and yes, forgive me if I say it here I feel as if i don't belong. I can't cope with impurities I face everyday and mixed with the once clear waters you and I used to dwell in. I fear for the worst, and my patience is almost at a zilch.
I snap at clear things. This I fail to understand, bt my place is here. In the shadows, where I lend my hand to help. Time would come soon, for you to understand bu my aid if needed would be gladly given. It is just a matter of compartmentalising and, I simply cannot divide.
I wish to gain mastery in becoming an all-rounder, but that I have to attain supremacy in know-how to manage time. And life.
Ah, the temparament of adjusment period.

But I still hope for the better.

Yes, why? they are my friends.
And this is the life I chose.
And ours is the protected religion.

As soon as you can see the connection, you can be rest assured that I am still safe and untouched. I might be different, but it is only because now I can tell the difference.

forgive me if I had let you down, but I wish to comfort you the person is full of spirit and now not anymore bitter. The person had grown up, through pain and experience, I shall comfort you to let you know, things are not the way it seemed to be, but i am still in the struggle in the path of God.

forgive me if I had caused you pain and despair, but I wish to remind you, my prayers were long and truly the prayers of the believers are the ultimate weapon. I pray for your safety and peace, my dear kiddo. Time would heal, and soon when we meet again, I will see the sweet smile upon your face once again.

when I read your letter it was like a shocking wake up call for me. I had never imagined that my disappearence would be taken seriously, and your gentle words welcomed me into the realm: yes, my spirit soared even higher after reading your letter. Fight I may, and thank you for your guide, concern and prayers. You are truly a good friend.


your sister.


Sunday, November 19, 2006

let me be good

I think he's fantastic.

I like the annivsrsary postcard he gave me, even though he claimed its not 'adequate' enough to be one, but his words of love really triumphs it. At least I know now I'm the only girl who gets a postcard for anniversaries. (Though later he bought me a proper, just as sweet card)

I like the bracelet he bought me and his reason being is so he can see me wearing it. Thank you dearest.

I like the way he tries to shelter me from the rain, not complaining that I'd forgotten the umpteenth time to bring along the umbrella he gave me. And the look upon his face when worrying when I'm on mc and he's faraway 'why didnt you get sick while i was there beside you?'. Because, it when you are not here I get sick.

I like the way he protects me from eveything and I treasure the feeling of being safe with him.

I hate it when i get mad at him.
I hate it when he feels sad.
I hate being faraway from him.

I love it when he talks incessantly about his day, how he friends tease him and how their jokes backfired, though I feel a little jealous.

I love it when he calls to wish me goodnight, carefully reciting quranic verses before I close my eyes and his sleepy voice when I wake him for fajr.

I love to see the sweet smile on his cute face and the glint upon his eyes. He may not be the most handsome, he's not a romeo wooing with incredible words, but he's loyal and honest, he's perfect and all good to me.
I wished I can be as good as he is. I truly do.

Dearest, if you're reading this, I want you to know that I appreciate. I really do.

My bestfriend, my dearest.


counsel's feel good factor

I was on my way back from the court on friday, came this sms from a client:

"Hi. Its me. Thanks for all your help, I got released. You said its impossible, you never did it before, but here we are: I'm on the bond, on a rock. You must be proud of what you did back there. Would definitely start a new life. Here's my thanks and appreciation."

I smiled.
Friday is my legal aid day. Its like a compulsory services we give to the society. (I'd always like to think of it as something that we lawyers give back to our people, by helping them back.)
The guy is a 'client'.
Legal aid clients are just like normal clients, they need legal representation, but can't afford one.
So there.

They guy is a first time offendor, charged with section 411 of possesing a stolen item. And since the stolen item is a motorcycle, he must serve the mandatory imprisonement of 6 months. Having serve a span of a week in a jail, he shivered in fear. So i tried my luck with the magistrate by gambling the client's fate by pleading THE s.294. Bond of good behaviour.
Something that the court rarely grants.

I sense panic when the magistrate took longer than usual in writing off the mitigation notes. But yeah. After chuckling and checking the cases i gave (which I didn't bring. Hoho! But she made me undertake to bring it later in the evening) she gave a praise or two and said "bond of good behaviour granted. 3 years, for rm3000".

His mom hugged me.
He had only been mistaken.
Okay. Small time hero, I know. But I feel so good.

I am so being a pro bono lawyer someday.

Catch all the big fishes you want. Feast on them. But help the lil fishes off the net. Set them free.


Sunday, November 12, 2006

men's defense mechanism

I like discovering new things.
Like a cop getting good at his trail or a cat about to jump on a blind mouse.

I anticipate.
I get excited.
My radar loves detecting liars.
And yes i'm damned good at it.

There's this guy who relentlessly trying to impress two ladies how concern he is on the up and about of the bombed-pieces-model Altantuya.That he knows things, you know?

We were reading the news, looking at the pix of what people alleged to be Altantuya.
It's really sexy and I felt sorry right away for those newsman had no sensitivity to expose the semi-naked shoots of her, she's dead and let's not put wild ideas here. So this guy really had to say mmm sexy. I like.

Upon seeing the disbelieved look upon all the ladies, embarassed ~the guy retorted (and switched on to 180 degree 'i'm not bad' mode'): no, I really like girls wholly dressed. Even more so if I can only see the face ONLY. Innocent girls are way to go

I saw his pda once full of pronography.

So we went on discusssing about other things, about a literature work of a purist.
I hooked my bait, directly to fish on him: "You know, this purist is really good. Unlike some of us who would try to mantain innocence while there's paris hilton having a quickie in the pda. I simply detest".

Our guy went cuckoo.
Panic attack.
Scream scream.

In one breath came his answer: "Yeah I know. I hate porno. I definitely don't have any in my pda. Unlike my two buddies (naming them) who goes on forever downloading them..yada ..yada.. yada. Gotcha.Touche
sape yang makan cili, diala yang kepedasan!

He lied.
But what made it so obvious was that he shouldn't have utter a word if he was telling the truth .

I simply detest.
But i still like detecting a liar.
And people's way of defense mechanism.
For men, they will always put the blame on the other (men also, preferrably).I have my sanad. My evidence.

E.g bush
e.g satay man
e.g other primer of the nations. Not naming, but you know too.
you have yours, too?

I love men, even though they're lying, cheating scumbags. -- Gwyneth Paltrow


Friday, November 10, 2006

cooler than hot

Yeah, yeah.
Just because I just got back from ethics course, doesn't mean I'm idealistically ethical.
(I say ideal because some does not apply when I'm queing up for a burger and a big man comes chip in angry *nudge* me to a side. Oh, and the rest of us were in line for forty five minutes and you'd just expect us to smile and say; sure big man. You need food more than we do. We're just lining up for you. )
What, I can be cool. Or I can be reasonably angry.
But I chose not to. I'll get my cheeseburger, and all of us can be happy.
Its not as if me a small person who should submit a house plan for my hard-earned flat, when a stay-business man can jump in the queue and claim to defend his error by saying "oh. Its just a techincal flaw, people. Move on".
Its not as if I can stand it when an idiot would stood up when I took my seat.
Well, I'm not saying that I'm perfect, but face the problem you have like a real person.
You don't hide behind your name.
Behind your sweet face and goddammit lies.
When all you can do is backstab and be deceitful.
Maybe I did her wrong, like anyone else in the world, but we keep our cool, we smile and we forgive but you, yes you.. why offer the salt and bombard the whole city?
Why don't you tell the rest how you treated me wrong, cheated on my trust and bought my dignity?
But no. you go on like you were the victim and stood up when we arrived, like a hurt lost and blinded fool.
Like the satay man, why hide behind your true colors?


Monday, November 06, 2006

quote #1

I have learned silence from the talkative, toleration from the intolerant, and kindness from the unkind; yet, strange, I am ungrateful to these teachers. -Kahlil Gibran.

funny this one strucks me. I learn only from the best.


sunday and saddam

Went for hida's open giganto house.

After 3 or 4 bowls of yummy soto (her mom is a killer cook) and nadira, atie, ira, rayna, far, mar n baby, muna, mira, kalid, lan, lia, emma, dila n nasreen is a sunday without my dearest, but its a good sunday.

I was at nas' crib watching the evening news when the big-o-news (didn't it really) suprised me: Saddam Hussein is sentence to death.

The US had always had dillemas with what to do with captured dictators since the defeat of the Axis in 1945. No? Yeah.

Lest you see Hitler committed harakiri, partisans dispatched Mussoline and only the Japanese Empreror was given an easy way out (which he remained in office til '89)

If Nazis high ranked were put into trial at the Nuremberg, and with numbers of them were sent to the gallows, if Hitler had been the 25th defendant, imagine what the proceedings would've been. While far less evil Manuel Noriega of Panama has been since 1989 in an American jail cell, where he serves a 40-year sentence for drug-trafficking .

What makes it different from THE Saddam trials, the US seemed to given the power to Iraqi judges to hear and decide Saddam's case. Their excellencies Iraqi judges sentenced him to death for his role in the 1982 massacre of the 148 in Dujail.


  1. To jail a dictator seems to be the easiest, since it would not usually lead to political confrontations, but it would appear to be less-justified for the victims of his reign's oppression while there is a need for an emotional closure for the families and friends of the victims.
  2. Whileputting the dictator to die in painless death sounds terrible (but humane enough)e.g hanging, firing squad, but it is as not as horrible and gruesome as putting him in the same torture he had put his victims in, but this would provide psychological release for the avenging victims and the relatives. And yeah, it suppose to methodically act as a deterrent punishment.
  3. Leaving the dictator's fate into his co-national to hear he trial might free the US the burden, but still it is at the expense of exacerbating local tensions. One might not feel the co-national is fitting enough to judge a different race/triad/religion person. In this case, the sunni and the shiite factor.

You are accused of... deporting and confiscating money belonging to Shiite Kurds of al-Fayleyah," who were allegedly killed or deported to Iran on the eve of the Iran-Iraq war, the tribunal official, identified as Munir Hadad, told Saddam.

But hm. I don't know. It is difficult and I truly don't have a clue.


Wednesday, November 01, 2006

why oh why

Borrowing the quote from the suddenly famous sharifah amani " I feel stupid when I ______" (fill in the blanks).
Mine would be: I feel stupid when I can't explain my reasons. When I can't defend myself.

Haiyok. So defensive meh?

I'm sure khalil gibran said something about when you're strong, you don't need to defend yourself, its when you're weak you became defensive.

I'm a practical idealistic idiot who rather thinks that every action should be calculated.
So when I deleted the old blod to be replaced with this cold-blooded blog, please be rest assured that I'm not suffering post-natal syndromes or maniacal sickness or simply put became so forgetful that i pressed the DELETE BLOG button.

I did it on my own free (might even be half-calculated) will.
I felt like I didn't belong, trying to please certain audiences when I am deeply sure that I rather write something else.

So ladies and gentlemen, and children of all ages, welcome to my show.
Nooooooo I'm not gonna give you people any tiltilating blogs you idiots, but rather towards a personal blog, than trying to become the next BBC spokeperson (not that I succeeded.Damn. But anyway) So yeah. Here you go. Boo hoo. Clap clap clap.

Told ya I didn't read law to become stupid, but if there's anything in the world to know this,you'll be comforted, tout par raison everything has its own reason. So hence it explains~ that you would not put at fault if you have reasons. Okay, okay. Good reasons. But still. MgNaghten rules people. Put on your defense mechanism (mine would be: acting blur "say, were you tellin me something? eh how come your face is red?")

Not trying to be defensive, or to imply my weaknesses (bet we all embrace our own) but really I'm trying to save my ass from explaining numerous times to friends to their wraths why did you delete your bloody blog just to restart new i had just deleted the link to your bloody blog yada yada yada.

Thats its. I just wanted to start fresh anew.


be veeeryy excited: she's back

yeah. under massive construction, people.


toi plus moi =)

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