2.5 hours

Sometimes technology just abandons me, I am today's woman who starts her day with a screaming child, over milk.
My kids, my alarm clock.

Barely opening my eyes, usually the Boy will offer his help to scoop out his chocolate milk powder.
'Ibu, Abang nak tolong boleh?".

Yea, and hoping that cooperative atittude lingers until adulthood, every mother's dream.

And then the fajar prayers, while the Boy sipping his milk, looking at me, still barely awake.

But what happens next is a mixture of liquid fast action -laundry-slicing vegetables and meat-porridge for the Girl-dishwashing-blending the Girl's porridge-bathing the Boy-packing the kids' nursery bags-shower for me and the kids-delicate skincaring for the Girl-and still finding time to play Ultraman with the Boy.
All before 9 am

The usual get ups for mothers. But then you'll realise
Yup. No breakfast and no morning exercise.
Self neglect is a sin, and my body is trembling in rebellion.

I have now, sore aching knees.
Still barely 30.
But suddenly awake.

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To the beach

Is could be just me, but when I miss someone, I wish I can be at the beach.
The vast ocean tells me something when I tell them mine.
Something like when you stare at the sky, but this time you can feel it. Touch it. Smell the salty heavy air.
It feels infinite.
And you're one with everything. With everyone.
Like the fathomless deep ocean.

 .
If only Lil Lief can excuse the pesky sands. Sigh.

Asal jiwang je ingat pantai. Apakah.

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wordless wednesday

:) 

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tasmanian mountains

how I wish I could stay and never return.

 Oh his next hols is so faraway :-(

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angels on my right and wrong.

I have (only) one (thank God) elder brother.

He who had set the tone of the household with his comical and/or annoying gimmicks, the rebel who have an ACCA under his belt just for the sake of why not? The mathematician and music maverick whom I can not be, no matter how hard I tried, these two disciplines remains as his personal forte. Apart from that, both of us share the same insight for arts and philosophy, and will not fight about literature and politics. The good son, the beloved lazy bum who intentionally get lost during travel just to explore the unfamiliar and sudden beauties of the travel, who truly adores our mother and my child. Will soon be getting married to a wonderful lady.


 I have a twin sister.
Who seems to be living out my dream. Who knows exactly how I feel and still will give me a tight slap about it nonetheless. She’s an army officer, a doctor, a nomad vagabond, a paratrooper, a skydiver, etc etc. Who is always surrounded by equally crazy friends who would always have plans to do something, somewhere, with her. She’s volatile, funny and the custodian of my deepest secrets. She who gives and gives and gives and gives and expects nothing in return. A passionate doctor who squabbles when one ask for a free mc, but understands anyway that a human need is not justifiable only on paper, and a medical encyclopedia who know nuts about football or where Tanjung Karang is(but will go to cluelessly, just for the sake of why not).

My two siblings, my two (why nots?) 6th September brother and sister.

Zainal and Zakiah.

Happy birthday.

Lucky to have both of you, right and wrong, me stuck in the middle.

Without you, I can not be who I am now.

Thank you.

all pictures taken during their visit to Manipal. :)

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cabang-cabang cinta

Abg Romi and his beautiful family (Nur, after so long, baru dapat jumpa!)  came to our humble abode. Love begets love. That's what I learn from the short but sweet visit. He wrote about our pride n' joy here.

Kekuatan dan ketabahan hati Nur dapat dirasai. Sejuk hati memandang Nada dan Marwa. Semoga menjadi anak soleh yang mendoakan ayah dan umi, ya?

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19 hari

Masuk minggu ketiga puasa, berat badan saya susut hampir 2kg. Berpuasa sambil menyusukan anak memang sangat-sangat mencabar. Tiba waktu petang, kepala saya terasa kosong, seakan-akan diisi angin dan tekak menjadi sangat kering. Seolah-olah ini kali pertama saya belajar berpuasa. Very draining.


Pengalaman puasa saya bermula semasa saya berumur 7 tahun. Saya tak pasti bagaimana saya boleh berpuasa penuh, yang nyata tiada metod khusus yang diajar oleh mak abah.Tidak pernah juga kami digula-gulakan dengan juadah iftar, cuma seingat saya, mak abah ‘mengajak’ kami berpuasa. Diajak bangun sahur. Tak nak bangun, sudah.

Tapi mengingatkan ketika itu saya yang masih kecil, agak lucu apabali  pemandu kami yang baik hati, Auntie Gan sering merasa kesian kepada kami adik beradik, terutama saya dan Zakiah yang masih kecil dan selalu berhenti di gerai minuman tebu untuk membelikan  air. Katanya ‘jangan risau, auntie dah Tanya semua orang. Budak-budak tak payah puasa maa. Kesian lu orang, nah auntie belanja”. Tapi seakan-akan sudah berjanji pada mak,air tebu yang sejuk tu hanya dipegang, direnung dan  tiba dirumah, air disimpan terus dalam peti sejuk. (Ada jugak 2-3 kali saya jenguk air tebu, nak make sure isinya tak berkurangan) hehe.

(Dengan Auntie Gan juga saya belajar untuk bermain dengan anjing. Saya nak sangat betulkan persepsi Melayu presumed to be Muslim kat Malaysia ni, menyayangi anjing bukan sama dengan menghina Nabi-tajuk Majalah Mestika yang agak tolol. Main, dan basuh dengan tanah. Tak susah. Islam tak susah. )

Tapi kali pertama saya dikenalkan dengan ibadah puasa, sebenarnya semasa saya di Tadika Husna, taski kelolaan Jim Petaling (yang menemukan saya dengan Aliza dan anak tuan punya tadika, Maryam Aizuddin yang seringkali dibuli sebab saiznya yang kiutmiut. Hahaha jahat.). Pun masa tu kami tidak diajar puasa dengan paksaan, Cuma dijanjikan manis syurga. Percayalah, ceritakan keindahan syurga pada kanak-kanak, memang berkesan. Akan saya praktikkan pada Hanzalah, insyaAllah.

p.s : perasan tak, waktu puasa ni, ramai betul kaum adam yang tiba-tiba menjadi sungguh ‘fatherly’? keluar dari McDonalds’ dengan Happy Meal berbondong-bondong, waktu lunch hour. Wow. Muda-muda pun dah ada 3-4 anak. Bukan seorang, tapi satu waktu tu ada 5-6 orang lelaki Melayu presumed to be Muslims yang buat macam tu.

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Still hating Mondays

2 years ago.

Why I love Digi. (family post paid)

Wife:    eh bill bulan lepas dah dapat tau

Hubster: alamak. Mungkin bill bulan ni ter-banyak sikit. Abang call mak abah banyak.

Wife: ala, mak abah abang kan Bil melambung pun tak pe. Yang tak bolehnya awek.

Hubster: dengan awek abang, calls kan free

Air-cond

while travelling back to Ipoh, banyak betul iklan Air Cond.

Wife: do you know,  the correct translation of aircon is pendingin hawa, not penghawa dingin?

Hubster: hm. sebab perempuan (hawa) memang cold kot?

Arundhati Roy (God Of Small Things)

Hubster: Nah, I’m done with this book

Wife: How is it? Do you like it?

Hubster: Maybe you could tell me. Abang tak faham.

Wife: eh how could you go on and on finishing the book without understanding it?

Hubster: that’s just like loving a woman.

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Zoe Jane is 19

She's already 19.

Half of her is ready for the future, half is still deep rooted onto her past, her home.

Home where she laughs, where she seldom cries, and lives her life, showered by those who loves her the most. Sometime she leave home (and comes back often), to become whatever she is destined to be, may her steps be graced and blessed by God Almighty, all the same out there where danger lurks, people seemed to be in line to hurt her, where other strangers couldn't care less.

But she;ll be bringing our prayers for her to be safe, be protected and blessed.

This time around, she's a year older, no longer a small toddler, but a full grown beautiful maiden (who is now a baby sitter, no longer the baby sister).

My Zoe Jane.

Happy 19th birthday.

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july 14!

Baru nak happy sebab esok hari minggu.

Tapi Mr K tak jadi balik. Ada exam surgery next week.

(Good luck to you, dear.)

Terus rasa down.

Takpelah. Esok hari yang happy sebab dah plan nak buat birthday celebration untuk Zetty, ikut stail favourite kami iaitu picnic sambil main game. (Ala tapi Mr K selalu yang paling excited main board game. Takde dia tak berapa best).

Down balik.

Takpelah. Tibe-tibe dapat sms dari babysitter aka birthday girl Hanz, katanya baby dah pesta poo-poo kat rumah. I’ve never been happier to see human faeces until I became a mother. Alhamdulillah after 3 days of no poo. Yay! Siap beli cherries and pears lagi, nak buat puree untuk Hanzalah makan time picnic esok. Fun and fibrous, senang nak poo. Tula.. hari-hari makan bubur nasi, mana taknya sembelit cinonet ibu tu. (When I actually initially plan to give him rice alternate days). Dasar pemalas. Tapi sebenarnya puree lagi senang. Kukus je. Takpun mash. dahla buat fresh hari2, so storage tak jadi hal ape. Tapi bubur nasi + kentang + ikan tenggiri favourite Hanzalah. Nak buat cemana, perut melayu, ikut Ayah dia.. kalau ikut ibu dia.. hari2 makan puree pun takpe. Sigh.

Apesal la dok ingat kat boyfriend yang kesian kena pulun tu..biarla dia..huhu..


Tengah layan blues, ternampak burung gagak berak kat kepala orang. Orang tu menggelabah. Haha sakan gelak. Tapi orang-orang tua kata, orang yg kena tahi burung tu lucky. Sigh. Kenapa kau tak yakyak kat aku wahai gagak? even birds don't like me. (Err biarkan. Tengah blues semua pun ntahapahapa). Sedih balik.

Tibe-tibe officemate datang bagi training pass Liverpool.

Hehe. 

J

What sadness? 

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roti basi

I like the number 23.
My firstborn was born on 23 September, and I had said yes to his father, almost six years ago, on a 23 December.

If you ask me, what I've learnt about the roller-coaster ride of 6 years together, I'd say the most important thing in a relationship is compassion.
Not even loyalty.

Without compassion such thing as wonderful as love would lead the two of you into an obsessive, jealousy-driven relationship. You'd say no to your partner's need to breathe (from you. hey, remember s/he is an individual, not your conjoined twin)  Pastu pakat pakai baju sedondon tapi bila gaduh tak ingat akhirat. Please lah. So tingkatan 2 punya cinta.

Couple t-shirt. So lame. rofl

And without compassion, loyalty will not just tumble into its place. No siree.
Let me give you a comparison:

Bayangkan menunggu kawan kau yang contact kau time dia nak promote bisnes MLM je. Pastu lambat 4 jam. Panas tak panas. Walaupun lepas tu dia belanja kau greentea starbucks, kau still rasa nak pelangkung dia, kan? No way you'll let that happen again.

Bezakan kalau korang tunggu untuk cinta hati kau? sanggup berhujan berpanas, kan?
Cinta hati punya pasal. No hal lah.

(At the spur of the moment lah. Time mengorat lautan berapi pun sanggup redah)

But, when you wait for your cinta hati for the next 40 years come rain or 'shine, that's what I call compassion.
Compassion is what keepin' the love alive y'all.

N.b. I need to be more compassionate. Porfavour.

Lek2. A woman's imagination is so wired up ad infinitum.
I wrote this because of number 23.
Because today, on 29th January 2011, I almost ate an expired loaf of bread, dated 23 January.

Huargh I need help. Mekeke.

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coming soon

I don't want to retire when my child is already an adult.

I want to see him grow before my own eyes.
Friends suggested "so open up your own Firm"

To which, as i reflected to the bosses I work(ed) with, being a boss will take your time even more than being an employee (And I hate to micro-manage the office) so I said:

"SoHo, anyone?"

Imagine cooking for lunch, while waiting for clients, in the office part of the home.
~ah so romantic

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Space dementia

Its just as simple as watching a basketball match with you.
Or getting on the scooter to buy late night grocery ---- ---
Or playing you being chased with the puppies ---- ---

See?
The sentences would not be complete without you.

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Eid di Manipal

Kuih raya pun dah tinggal habuk, baru sekarang nak update pasal hari raya?
Haha.

Sehari lambat dari Malaysia
Ala, kalau esok bulan Syawal habis pun, kami di India masih ada sehari lagi untuk beraya. Kami beraya sehari lambat, dan waktu korang tengah makan-makan merai Eid hari pertama, kami masih berpuasa hari terakhir (dan menyiapkan juadah makanan untuk esok hari).

Entah mana ralatnya, sebab masjid dah mengumumkan raya hari Ahad, tapi padi malam Ahad, masjid tersebut masih bertarawikh. Padahal mula puasa sama dengan puasa di Malaysia. Entah macamana kira, tak pasti. Mungkin nak cukupkan 30 hari. Tapi kesian kat budak-budak yang dah siap buat rendang, keesokan harinya makanan jadi basi dan kena buat semua semula.

Nasib baik aku agak malas untuk masak awal. Aku start masak rendang daging dan ayam masak merah pun dekat tengahmalam, itu pun bila dah confirm raya esok (takdenya raya lepas 31 hari puasa). Siap masak semua dalam pukul 3 pagi.

Solat Raya
Oleh kerana kami berdua ni kemana-mana dengan vespa, jadi bila aku dah siap berwuduk dari rumah, kene pakai glove tangan sebab hari ni hari raya, kena pakai baju kurung jadi kene duduk macam perempuan ayu atas motor (sebab taknak batal wuduk le). Serious rasa macam nak jatuh. Sepanjang perjalanan ke Masjid, nampak kelibat orang-orang Islam India berpusu-pusu berjalan kaki, dengan baju raya yang meriah, walaupun hari hujan. Alhamdulillah kami selamat tiba di Masjid-e-Manipal.

Solat raya di sini tiada bezanya, cuma tiada alunan takbir style Melayu yang mendayu-dayu dan khutbah raya dalam bahasa Kannada (dialek biasa di Manipal). Tapi boleh tangkap apa yang cuba disampaikan, sebab banyak Ayat Quran diselitkan dalam khutbah.

Usai solat, jemaah masjid berpelukan (yang perempuanlah..muslimin aku tak nampak) dan mengucapkan Eid Mubarak. Terasa Meriah di masjid walaupun kelibat jemaah orang Malaysia tak begitu kelihatan.

Raya di India
Di bandar-bandar yang jauh lebih besar, solat raya akan diadakan dikawasan lapang dan diawasi pihak polis yang bersenjatakan rotan panjang untuk keselematan (oh ye, sini Inspektor Sahab je kot yang ada pistol, orang-orang bawahannya bawa rotan panjang macam cikgu-cikgu HM kita time sekolah dulu).

Populasi orang Islam di India adalah lebih kurang 15% daripada 155 juta penduduk, dan merupakan agama kedua terbesar di India. Dari jumlah ini, India merupakan negara ketiga terbesar mempunyai jumlah penduduk Islam (selepas Indonesia dan China). Menariknya, pengikut Islam di India adalah golongan minoriti terbesar di dunia.

Kebanyakan muslim disini akan berkopiah, dan wanitanya kebanyakannya berpakaikan hitam dan berpurdah (tapi kadang-kadang nampak ekor rambut dibelakang). Mungkin budaya. Entahlah. Sehairan aku melihat mereka, sepelik tulah kot dorang tengok aku. Bertudung tapi berseluar (wanita tradisional jarang memakai seluar dengan t-shirt/kemeja, kecuali untuk dipadankan dengan pansuit).

Perasaan raya
Haha tak boleh tipulah, memang janggal beraya tanpa keluarga dan hiruk pikuk makcik-makcik aku sebelum raya. Tapi merasa jugaklah beraya di perantauan, disamping suami tersayang. Makanan yang termampu kami buat, kami buat. Tapi burasak (makanan Bugis, nasi pulut kukus yang diletak dalam daun pucuk pisang) tak terbuat.. sebabnya tak tahu mana nak cari daun pucuk pisang. Meliur jugak dengar Mak cakap raya tahun ni Burasak menjadi. Sob sob.

Ish, cakap pasal raya, mesti tulis pasal makanan. Yalah, dah sebulan berpuasa macam la bulan puasa korang tak melantak makanan sedap-sedap . Haha.

Sekian, laporan raya.

Selamat hari raya maaf zahir batin dari kami berdua.

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Macam Mak Datin

Yelah, kerjanya hanya melawa meneman suami ke function yang dia pun tak tahu orang-orang sekeliling. Dalam dua tiga hari secara berterusan tak payah masak makan free komuniti pelajar buat open house dan diatas kesempatan nilah aku mengikut Mr K. Dan diperkenalkan sebagai Mrs K (siap ada announcement. Sangat segan ok)

Tapi tak lah Mak Datin.
Aku masih comot.

Bak kata Yah bila ber-skype tempoh hari "eww korang dorang buruk la"

Yes I have a terribly honest sibling.

In relation to that, my defence as to why I'm I'm fatter and darker:
Baru aku discover kenapa aku hitam..sebab dalam bas/train, Mr K akan suruh aku duduk di tepi tingkap. Jadi dia duduk di sebelah aisle. Alasannya sebab nak protect aku (dari apa?) tapi akibatnya, aku kena dimamah matahari. Oh sungguh aku tidak peduli.Hm maybe next time aku suruh dia pulak duduk tepi tingkap dalam bas. Baru aku ada can jadi heroin Hindustan yang putih melepak itu.

Gemuk?sebab syok makan masakan sendiri. Haha aktiviti aku seharian, boleh agak kot lah kan masak, makan, mengemas, tengok Weeds, main facebook, baca buku. Mana taknya menternak lemak. Tapi setelah mentekedarah majlis raya secara berjaya, aku bersenam aerobik pagi tadi dan telah dua hari berjogging dengan encik K tersebut di End Point yang cantiknya MasyaAllah. (Self Note: bawa kamera).

But today I got these. tu bahasa hindi : my pyar karthi hoo. Ntah apa makna dia.

Ah the guy hasn't stop being the debonair who brings flowers to his lady :) And I feel beautiful. Ataupun sebab nak pujuk Liverpool kalah dengan Chelsick semalam kottt Hahaha

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happy bug

Morning I had a matter in Shah Alam court, the least favourite court of mine.
For known reasons, the stairs the lift the parking the system the food at the cafeteria is just as bad.

But now the court had adopted the Tracking System, following the KL courts.
Which would only mean longer queues, shorter dates and since its Shah Alam, more headaches!
And today was the Teoh-MACC case (which was adjourned) and every single space available around the court is congested, and court staffs were seen donning surgical masks.

Hmm.
Dengan bersesak2 begini, risiko pasti ada.

I didn't get to strike out Plaintiff's suit, too bad. The Plaintiff managed to come out with documents to stop me from striking out their 2 years-adjourned case initiated by the now-wound up Plaintiff, meaning their solicitors do not have warrant to represent them. While todays was supposed to be their final date.
But heck, its court's discretion. Kadang-kadang macam tu lah.
Tukar-tukar sampai tak boleh nak appreciate kes.

But I'm not going to be the one handling the matter once its called up in October.I think the Boss knows by now how hard it is to find LA's. Seriously, anyone nak join firm aku taak?

I think I'll miss all this hoo hah.

Today is a happy day, for someone who had been sick for days.
* Mr K got me an Indian Kitteh. Cuteness to the extreme
** had lunch at home with Zetty while waiting for Mak to come home
*** Sasha with the help of her Mr F got a neat farewell gift for me, Ayu and Aliza. (see below)
**** An old friend had offered his help to buy things I need and said "kita ni macam adik beradik lah, tak pe"
*****Finally decided that I'll ditch the expansive speedlite and battery grip, I'll just buy extra CF card, extra battery and one external disk :)



All the best to Aliza and Ayu, and to the law20 girls..thank you so much..!
Will miss you lots, and please, cramp our house whenever you want!

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just charred, not burnt

After having lunch with friends who insisted of going Delicious instead of Devis, I received a long winded sms of apology.

I had almost choked myself with tears reading the message.
Shall I reply?

Maybe never.
My pride is all I've got, and it got the best of me.

Maybe tomorrow.
I'm not a Monster.

But you know, I'm one of those few who'll write LODs ending with "may good sense prevail".
(Romantic kaaan Letters aku?)
Yup. Good sense, I got that.

P/s: Still considering going kopi O' Nite with Legalaiders tonight.
Saturday I'm off to my in Laws' place in Ipoh, and Sunday friends are kidnapping me to somewhere I don't know. I heard its in KKB. :) Here and there, 1 months to go!

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allahumaghfirlahu warhamhu.

A relative of mine passed away few days ago.

Arwah was a firemen.
So we were brought to the Shah Alam Fire Station after the post mortem for Solat Jenazah.

Arwah didn't die because of any fire mishap.
They usally can overcome critical situations, afterall, they're professionally trained.

But he died in his sleep. Just 31 years old.
(The same age with my eldest sister) Young, with two young kids.

Doctors revealed his heart stopped beating, in his sleep.
Friends told us that they found him lying on the couch of his living room in his unit, the lights was not switched off, indicating that he only meant for a nap, to take a rest.
I could imagine he must've been very tired, to just came back from his shift and dozed to sleep not knowing it'll be eternal.

His mother was shocked to hear her youngest son died in such away. Suddenly.
She fainted few times.
Must've been very shocking, to the very least of emotions.
Afterall, arwah didn't have any health complication known of, and he was fit.
He didn't look as if he had any heart problems, he was not fat at all.
Tapi tulah.... ajal maut di tangan Tuhan.

Innalillah.
Shahriman
(1978-2009.)

p/s: peringatan untuk aku yang selalu tido dahulu sebelum solat isyak.


(Cerita sampingan: Seriously, that was my first time being in a Fire Station. I was excited (aku kan tomboy dulu) seeing the Fire Engines and yes, there were poles~one we could slide down aku ingat dalam cerita je ada? siap ada siren emergency from the tower..waaah! cepat je fire engine tu keluar, tak sampai seminit!)

When we arrived Yah quickly glanced to me and said "Sukalah tu. I know you like firemen" with that annoying look to tease me. I committed myself to embarrassment telling that to her once, but it never occurred to me of any importance why I said it, but here's my reasons.
Hah jangan ngengade ingat bukan-bukan !

True, I had always thought I'll marry one that would douse my hot temper or in truest sense, I had always been attracted to heroic-type of people.

Why specifically firemen, not policemen? I knew from I was young they receive duit kopi eughh. Memang turn off OK! I fear them.

Why not army..thing is, firemen could not save you from other evils but fire, which is not a human controlled. So it kinda made firemen a special league on their own. Yang lain tu macam boleh tercemar dengan agenda politik je?

Doctors? well, I haven't the slightest thought of marrying a doctor (sorry sayang?) But its not the same with lawyers, whom I made sure I'll never get involved with! hahahahaaaaa.) Kutuk diri sendiri. Ehem.

Anyway. siut je Yah.) Tu cerita Darjah dua laaa!

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go to sleep

No way I'm gonna confirm. Sorry!

Don't lose sleep over this, we're just small people, so why worry.
Tired of your antics, your self-obsession fanatics.
Done with your lies and deceit, now we're moving on.
But you're too proud to say your sorries, to even ask why.
Afterall this is not your first time, but it shall be the last.

Of course I forgive you.
Its just that I'll bury the hatchet where I could remember.

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no country for old men

There's always a crazy Anton Chigurh wailing every evil minion's step.
The very move of his is catastrophic, and his vices are god-damned bigger than drugs and money.
Well, drugs and money~ thats where everything rotten started to roll.

And actually, the evil minions didn't start bad, they're just opportunist.
Thinking that they could get away.
Getting away clean, is not possible, but too bad they didn't know it.
They should know dirty buck stops right here -before their eyes, not in their hands.

And there's always Sheriff Ed Tom, a heroic stature in all the mess.
Good, but not good enough to keep up.
The patriotic kind that would reminisce about the good old days and compared with themselves.
But not with what the future holds for them.

In any country, either the young ones die young battling, or the old men retire early, at the prospects of the young ones.

Its not just in the wild wild west, you know.
Rhetorically applies here, no country for old men either.

Finally done with the banned film 'No Country For Old Men'.
Its fairly good, received rave reviews on it and I found myself on the edge of the seat (literally, but I was on the bed, watching it via the laptop).

(Its not because its banned that I had just recently watched it as if I have been searching high and low for it, Mr K would've downloaded for me- but knowing me, I delay watching "screening now movies"or rather when the show had been sold out the hype is already gone, I ain't watching them no sir, I believe saving the best for the last. Except, of course, for company). Alasan.

Lembab je sebenarnya.
Atau takde masa nak gi tengok muvi.
Fact is, I miss going out to the movies with him.

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