Tuesday, August 28, 2007

playing chess

This is what I’ve got to say why I said No.
I have no right to decide, but i can't just sit and watch the whole Titanic sinking, can I?
No this is not "I'm hollier-than-thou-mode", I'm just disgusted because we have a choice.

I remember first time meeting that friend of yours in a programme held by a rival uni, he was suddenly there as a “sub-committee member” though the last I checked the programme was only open for more senior member.
I was irritated to know he got in because like many other affiliation members (exclude moi the blacksheep non-partisant) he was in that particular political party.

Favoritism seems to work for the docile looking boy.

But for me, first impression is the only impression that matters.

For the sake of the stupid affiliation, I said nothing and even upon knowing his alma mater (which suddenly, became my hobby) I even spoke to him when my friend M told me the eerie downfall.

Let me get you this one straight.
From where I come from, (clubbed where those political party where I intentionally detached myself from) we were always always always concerned about the younger generations (affectionately referred to “gen pewaris”), despite my non-political backround (though vocal some would say) and their overzealous policy, we kinda clicked rightaway.

That’s why (Melati would’ve noticed. She said I’d keen interest with schoolchildren. On a different note relating to Khalis but that’s another story is it) I think that’s the only meeting point why I joined the marathon with them.

Having me in is like keeping Pompey in Rome.

You can imagine how I hated being associated with them, but I continued to run and did arrive on the finishing line in style (why not. We ended the tenure with so much “openness”. Poor Romans!) The first agm there was to be opened to be commented upon. And god it lasted 5 hours. It’s a record. Most would only last 30 mins).

I think the hate was mutual.
But I had my friends and them on the other side.
I had to be fair, no?

But anyways.
I had few dialouges with this blue eyed boy, really anticipated his participation when i realised that he only like his name to be everywhere.
This friend of yours showed no interest whatsoever.
He shrugged off saying oh yeah. Uhuh uhuh.
I could’ve given him a tight slap for his nonchalant ways I could.

I realised he just need a platform, a Maximus he is, no motive (even joining a yuck party but all of them seemed to enjoy the motive and missions thingy). Tin kosong rupanya.

Its okay.
I quickly dismissed the guy, thinking hey he might need something to feel his time, (and his mind, hopefully) so why not give him a chance. Afterall, not everyone is born a Hang Jebat or other patriotic hangs, right (discount me. I fail too) But this is my point.

Few a times I knew (d’oh man. We met always by and by) he’s not up to what he hopes to project his image to others, well hearsays aside, but lets just say I got many versions of his fallacies and while others commits sins and lies all the time, this is one to be expected from an illness.

You got plagued.

I knew from the start that that bloke is one poker faced. You know the usual talam dua muka. The kind of face you get uneasy just looking at them.

While I don’t play poker and I just shoot all them mockingbirds for all I care, that guy is just… living under a surface. Hiding behind a facade of lies.
Why not. It has been proven. Again and again.
You’re stupid.

Build the whole wall surrounding you for all I care.

Get strong, do whatever.
Hire the whole barricade of an army. Yeah.

But why you built it on a piece of land of repeated occurrences of earthquakes is quite stupid.

“Quite” not in Malaysian-usage form (not-so), but in the real English sense meaning extremely really.

Run for your life.

yes you are blinded, but omg, like not by birth and you can always unfold the blindfold like magic. Only it is not.
Stop wailing like a little child and now its your move.
Checkmate and the King is stumbled.

Why we go on doing what we do might have to do with our own ignorance, but really, how stupid do we want to gamble our future for something so unsure of when it has been repeated all over again?

Again, in my (non)political review, if I had been cruel, it is only because I pity.
A non-partisan like me, would shrug off heading on my own to my own in no mans land (haha no pun intended) rather than voting for a tyrant leader for a want of nation.

Choose wisely.
Leaders shape those cute gen pewaris.
Cos everything is relative, including your genetics.


Friday, August 10, 2007

unstructured procrastination

N/b: Read my last post and please relate.

19th people, next weekend and I'm still doing nothing.

When I told Fara emir (my ad-hoc party planner.Ever the efficient one that woman) I haven't bought or did anything, she conveyed what Azizah mgs told me :
tu lawyer gila.

Apehal procrastinate2 nih?

Intentionally I waited with Farah Irina after breakfast just to see her off in her firm's shuttle van (you lucky devils you. You got your own van.Schweet) when I know I've a submission to file (but hey the other side served us 4 days late so I'm entitled to pend four days too) when the thing just got in yesterday.

But tell me its fair I have to file according to the arranged date just because Puan wants it that way? Banyak cantek. Its the other side's application so it is my pleasure to procrastinate.

After waving goodbye and a thumbs up to Farah, I jaywalked to the parking lot and seeing all those shiny BMWs and Benzes I suddenly remembered I haven't for the life of me, washed my car so I didn't go straight back to office. Hey, I had been delying washing the poor car for the two months, ohkay?

Even after washing the car near UM, I purposedly waited in the car to try finish reading 'HP and the Deathly Hallows' (yawn) and answering private calls (one from zetty. Good girl got 7As and 2Bs for her PMR trial exam) (Khalis called and told me the big happy news. Flying colours too) and the screaming Fara Emir (sorry la farzeera I am a bad customer, I will try and ask my mother what color scheme I want and how many dulangs we are expecting).

And yes Fara, we'll go shopping for clothes this weekend, no not Saturday, I've a friend's wedding, next week loh? Okay okay I'm not crazy i know 19th IS next week. What to do I'm lazy for dress-hunting, Fine. Sunday.This Sunday's superb. Okay Fara.Thanks.

I got in the office at 1, seeing the Himalaya-high bundles of submission the other side had served me (do you have to say that much for one itsy bitsy issue?) called Nabilah Hani and yak yaked for a good thirty minutes before realising its my lunch hour.Ah work can wait. I'm hungry.

That's just not the things I delay for fun.
Sometimes I wake up so late because I felt cheated from my 8 hours sleep when clients call. Hoho you should see my room.

Lets just hope that all this postponement of works don't make us irresponsible persons, just affirming that we ordinary people liking to cheat time to make us feel a lil bit entitled to do so.

We work so hard, kan?

I don't procrastinate on purpose. Serious.
I've only got no time to panic.
But I swear I will deliver on time.

Hey. Afterall, datelines were never my ally. They stab me from behind my back, like creatures creeping and spying on me when I stop to delay, with their knife ready like a cupid with the bow aim at your back.
Well, you procrastinate when you can. Not all the time.
Hahaha.. af, talking!

If you've heard of structured procrastination (total rubbish I tell you), thats just an excuse anyway. Imagine having a diary of what and when to procrastinate.
This is the essence of what I call structured procrastination, an amazing strategy I have discovered that converts procrastinators into effective human beings, respected and admired for all that they can accomplish and the good use they make of time. All procrastinators put off things they have to do. Structured procrastination is the art of making this bad trait work for you. The key idea is that procrastinating does not mean doing absolutely nothing. Procrastinators seldom do absolutely nothing; they do marginally useful things, like gardening or sharpening pencils or making a diagram of how they will reorganize their files when they get around to it. http://www.structuredprocrastination.com/index.php

Guess I belong to the orthodox procrastinator club, huh? hahaha
What about you?


Wednesday, August 08, 2007

i just hate indecision!

I can stand waiting in the pouring rain waiting for an answer.
I can wait three hours minimum for a bare reply yes or no.
Meanwhile I can just check my E-book pretending I don't mind.
No really I don't mind.
Patience is nothing for me.
Afterall, I get paid for it waiting, all in a day's job and it is at your expense.
So I can wait all you want and you can do your nonsense all the while.

You can yap with your elders father and mother and grannies and busybody aunties.
Check and re-check again and again for umteenth time.

hey, afterall you said it's your call.
You only need to confirm.
Go on.
Try me.

But I can't take it people being indecisive at other people's cost.
I'm sick of you pulling yes no yes no oh maybe i don't know yes no maybe again.

And stupid of me I passed your affirmation for others to act on.
Only to find out that you're unsure at the first place.

Regret is good if I can burn myself away from the embarassment you caused others.
If it's only me, hey dawg do it all the time.

Main-main je korang ni.
Kalau tak sure, don't la main confirm.
Kalau tak nak, cakapla.
Kalau nak, cepatla.
From where I came from, we don't play around.

Thats why we don't mind waiting, if needed be, any thorough consideration.
Take your time.
Go ahead.
Knock yourself out.

Cos once you said yes, there's no turning back. No u-turn. No not even illegal u-turns you can easily pay the compound away with. No no.

Thats why they say "

10 years of practice means 2 years of real practice and 8 years of waiting"

Bloody hell.


Tuesday, August 07, 2007


Today he came to me during lunch hour and watched me eat the entire pizza and cheese-baked rice and slurping the tobasco-polluted mushroom soup.

He said he's not hungry but I know he is deeply saddened by his Opah's death.

Just so last night he boarded on the "wrong" bus to KL and missed the last chance of seeing her.

I felt guilty for not knowing how much he loved her, not knowing how to say the right words to see him smile.

During lunch, he told me last night he cried when he heard others telling him to and recite Al fatihah and Al Ikhlas for her because he said “Opah used to tell me to recite Al Ikhlas for mak. Now she’s gone”. Opah used took care of him when he lost his dear mother at two. Sometimes I heard him telling me he'll bring me to meet his Opah so she can meet the girl who takes care of his favourite grandson.

I can't stop from thinking how I felt when atokne passed away and how I missed her every now and then. How she used to make my favourite kek lapis, jem durian, jem manggis and tempoyak just for me. How she used to joke around with atok. How she used to fuss around the house to make sure there's no single dust. How she used to smile...

Suddenly now I'm missing both atokne and his opah.
And his mak.

Al-Fatihah buat opah, atokne dan mak abg tersayang.


the perisher's pills

this song is dedicated to no one in particular.

I hope my smile
can distract you
I hope my fists
can fight for two
So it never has to show
And you’ll never know

I hope my love
can blind you
I hope my arms
can bind you
So you’ll never have to see
What we’ve grown to be

One may think
we’re alright
But we need pills
to sleep at night

We need lies
to make it through the day
We’re not ok

One may think
we’re doing fine
But if I had to lay it on the line
We’re losing ground
with every passing day
We’re not ok

But that’s one thing
I would never
One thing I would never
That’s one thing
I would never say to you

I wished I was their lyricist.
No, I wished I could be someone so poignant,so melancholic, so romantic.
All at a genius cost, and NOT sounding stupid and desperate.
Genius works without movie-star girlfriends. (don't they all started out that way?)
I like them.


alien on my windows

can you guess what the hell is this?
spooky clue number 1: you can see it
spooky clue number 2: you can see me in the picture, staring.
spooky clue number 3: but you can't touch it.

kakitangan GVco diharamkan menyertai peraduan ini.
Hadiah menarik menanti anda!


Sunday, August 05, 2007

got wheels?

So not keeping up with Joneses.
Just the latest news ya. (Niat baik)

SR had upgraded to a Camry 2.0
SN got himself a Beemer 5 series and CK an S series Merc.

Enough with some news from the former offices of mine, climbing down the ladder, to our circle of friends: Its all good news they’re doing good.

Farhan is getting the Camry (well, his current ride is a Merc anyway).
Ijat himself a Latio (eugh Ijat, hodoh la keta tuh) and Fara (not having her driving license yet but still) a Vios.

Ooh Amin bomoh jawa now awaits for thr big fat grill for his brand new Audi A4.
Hana and her man joined the big boys club and rode off in a Kawasaki Vulcan.
Mich Chung is off in a Lexus after his Murano got stolen.
I heard him telling me with my mouth forming into a perfect “o”.


Well, from the other side of the world: the green people

You have the relentless Yah with her bus number 11 (that’s pejalan kaki for you) yup she’s an environment activist suddenly so I think the only car she would use is the boring sleepy Prius which is unavailable in our country anyway.

Well, the partner in my ex-firm DN is still relying on his Perdana, courtesy of a company he helped once and not budging for any sort of temptation even after winning a Nissan X-trail free and easy.
He sold the X-trail and gave the money to an orphanage.
He’s the man.

So is the senior N.
Had always been faithful with his 1996 320.
When he can afford something flashy like the S-type jag.



I’m a little bit of both.
I don’t even have time to wash poor Bakri and do you think I have time to adore the new car if I buy one?

Go have a wild guess.
I love cars.
I talk about them all day.
Much to Yah's annoyance when she was telling some important "news" when I cut off the conversation and would point out "Damn, look at that Lancer. Oooh".

Judge from how dusty and dirty the car looks, and you know the answer.
Bakri even got a caked dust up his nose, man.

(maybe I should head up to the nearest car wash).
Not now. Not soon.
I’m just happy with the cranky old man.
some genius on one really dirrrrrrrrrty car.


old song die hard

I remember listening and replaying this song.
Got it repeated again and again on the CD player in my room while escaping for a little while, the sounds of the former roommate listening to Deftones.

Both are her CDs anyway (so no complaining bad tastes in music no i don't do that).
I just like Aaliyah.

Damn it floods back memories from the uni.

Maybe I can play it at the Family Court Registry, huh?
Get an ex parte order or something.


Saturday, August 04, 2007

just so faraway

Babes, bring me to Monaco.
You know, can we go there, once we’ll get down to south of France.
I need to go to Monte Carlo.
With you.

You can try on the classic Enzo and I can snap away on our eos 400d. If we’re lucky, we can watch our rookie Hamilton, after lazing and eating fish and chips at the docks. Luzern, our favourite lake is still not so faraway and if you like, we still can rent a car and look like million dollar tourists arriving in style, and pretend that we’re the Malaysian Beckhams or something (not that I look or want to be her. Eurgh)

Truth be told I rather sleep in cheap b&Bs but we still can afford to feel valuable.
At least to each other. You know you are precious to me.
But I just want to go there with you.
I don’t know.

Memories. The winds, the city, the Italian-like demeanors in an European city, (you know they're all emotional but entertaining storytellers) while listening to Ritchie Blackmore’s Rainbow’s eyes or pretending to like Pavarotti (he’s not too bad you know- once you get what he's trying to say) and maybe we can watch the classical obscenes in French Operas.

Or we can watch from our balcony down yonder the race starts.

Or sleep the whole day.
I don’t know.
Up to you.

I just want to be there with you.
Correction: I just want to be with you.
KL is just so lonely without you.


Friday, August 03, 2007

i aint no reliance insurance agent

No pun intended, seriously.

I have been told by a person of discerning views that:

"it is only when someone relies on you, actually that same person is holding you up”

If you ask me, that sound more like modern-time slavery, bound and chained to fulfill your obligations, a terse volume of expectancy.

I would rather prefer in spite of persons relying on you, or no one at all relies on you, you have all the liberty to succeed.

Liberty to succeed when you are free from anything tying you down is sweeter than being pushed into a corner and forced to act in certain ways.

While choosing to be chained to be relied upon in order to succeed is, exuberant rhetoric, and while I don’t dismiss it in disdain, but I think we all should stop from finding our parachutes but begin to learn how to fly.

Free falling is scary but yeah, its so much better feeling than knowing to be strapped on your parachutes everytime you fall. And having to live with it.

I am careful when I say this that no one depended on Prophet Muhammad saw for him to suceed on them holding him up.

Remember his wife Khadijah was a wealthy trader and all that is left for our beloved to provide was more well to do than he was.

Remember how he was rejected by his own people of Quraisy led by his uncle.
But he did okay.
If he was to use this notion, his mission would fail.
But it did not.

From there on he became a source of wisdom, guidance, provisions and protection.

Yes some people relied to him for protection and guidance, but it is not them who held him up.

A mission of strategic dakwah it is, but morally, he has clear perspective on human relations, which directs to Almoghty God anyway.

I agree up to a point that every human needs moral support, but that kind of support sometime is not in human form. Its what the image in our perspective projects the mirror to our inner being. Yes to some extent, the control of reliance forms our beings, but that is so much to do with wisdom and guidance, not dependency in toto.

In someways, it is so much better to have no safety-net as we can plan to prepare ourselves while not depending on people leaning on you. These kind people offer us so much in life but they are all mortals, just like you and me, we live and we die. What if the person you rely on dies, or became an invalid access of reason, is the same way vice versa what if you die when you have others relying on you?

Surely this came a long way but to talk of material aspects, but more to moral building of human characteristics. That is why, arguably, poorer people have more character than boring rich men playing golf all day. I say it is arguable because, not all poor persons are saints, and not all rich datuks are sick twarts.

Hmm. But let me tell all of you this, while all the world loves you, it is you who needs to love yourself. I am emphasizing on independency in all forms of life. Its good that you’re paying your dependants monthly for them to get by. But they should not be the reason (in their absence more than their presence) for you to fail in life.

For I believe, our own good selves should be the ones holding ourselves up and high and mighty.

If you have trouble finding Izzah all this while..
Dont be surprised to find it deep in your heart.


Wednesday, August 01, 2007

got ticket to ride?

Baiklah baiklah I would post.

A short one though, I’m in the office trying to look "workaholic as ever" (NOT!) .

I was recently contacted by my old friend the South African Layala from Syria who told me she’s coming for the Fiqh Convention in Putrajaya (the one Dr Syeikh Wahba Mustapha Al-Zuheili came for). Sensing that she needed some kinda assistance from the long-distance call, I stupidly asked: “Do you need directions to reach here?”

When I said “here” I meant from “KLIA to the convention”, not from Syria to Malaysia.
But nonetheless Layala said: “You don’t need to ask for directions for faraway places, dear Faraeshtey”.
"you only need to know what to do for you to get there"

But of course.
You don’t need to ask for directions for faraway places.
Because you only need to know how to prepare yourself for the “faraway places” and be that as it may, you will reach there where even no maps could provide the location

Where not even stupid SAT navs would help. (Not that it does. Reliance to gadgets can only make you more senseless than you're already are.)

Faraway places huh.
We’ll get there someday. Biiznillah.

Lets make a date outside al-Rayyan of any of the seven heavens, shall we?


toi plus moi =)

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