today

Today he came to me during lunch hour and watched me eat the entire pizza and cheese-baked rice and slurping the tobasco-polluted mushroom soup.

He said he's not hungry but I know he is deeply saddened by his Opah's death.

Just so last night he boarded on the "wrong" bus to KL and missed the last chance of seeing her.

I felt guilty for not knowing how much he loved her, not knowing how to say the right words to see him smile.

During lunch, he told me last night he cried when he heard others telling him to and recite Al fatihah and Al Ikhlas for her because he said “Opah used to tell me to recite Al Ikhlas for mak. Now she’s gone”. Opah used took care of him when he lost his dear mother at two. Sometimes I heard him telling me he'll bring me to meet his Opah so she can meet the girl who takes care of his favourite grandson.

I can't stop from thinking how I felt when atokne passed away and how I missed her every now and then. How she used to make my favourite kek lapis, jem durian, jem manggis and tempoyak just for me. How she used to joke around with atok. How she used to fuss around the house to make sure there's no single dust. How she used to smile...

Suddenly now I'm missing both atokne and his opah.

And his mak.

Al-Fatihah buat opah, atokne dan mak abg tersayang.