Tuesday, June 24, 2008

working wounded

I'm starting to notice that I'm having trouble waking up in the morning to go to work. I've never had this problem before. What do you do when the passion disappears?

Oh well. I've had that kind of mornings too.

My experience told me that the days seem long, and the sleeping hours so short and you're refusing to open up your eyes to brace up the day at work.

Some of my friends who read Law together at the Uni who courageously spoke of justice in the face of it, of philosophies and the mechanics of i.e law., while we shudder at their boldness, now working in unrelated fields. When asked, nonchalantly they explain a sift of mixed up answers: workload, better pay elsewhere.

A fair answer, for me.

Hey no one does anything for free (even when FN said a judge told her a gomen officer would never be erroneous for the fact that gomen employees are not working for the money) Oh really?

Since when does "passion" can be compared to a(ny) tangible aspects of life? I once wondered.
Can actually a non-working photocopying machine, nonsensically cheap pay,temperamental clients, sick colleague, bad traffic jams, a headache extinguish the passion?

But as I get older I realised that we're just human beings.
Passion or no passion, its what you want in life that lights up your destiny, regardless how much or how little you want it. Abandoning something we were once passionate about does not mean we're a quitter, but it just means we're all realists.
Passion is the matter of the heart, not the outside world, or is it?

But I don't know. I've been only but two years so I can't complain much, can I?
What do I deserve for I expect so little, and what does that mean, if anything, me being ambitious on the contrary because here I am a doormat to my profession?!!!

Relax. Gila drama aku nih.

I love my job. Its just some days I feel sluggish. My Passion is still alive. Flickering timidly at times, or all-fired up at other times. Still there.

It helps, though.
But passion won't make my stomach full, only my heart does.

The case of being stuck in an elevator, being angry at it is not the cause of a dying passion.
The uncooperative client, being mad about his stupidity is not the reason of no-passion.
Come on.
Things suck at times, you have to admit it. We're all just human.
So stop pointing fingers saying that you and you you you are not passionate enough about your work.
So why is this yell and shout of being passionate et al?

It comes to the price of your pride.
What you believe in your self.
Kalau kerja tu ikhlas, akan nampak lah hasilnya...

Regardless if you're working wounded, but as blind as love can be, what matters most is what you believe for yourself. You have to believe in yourself.

Problems won't just go away if you don't want them too.
Stop blaming that your heart is not set to it.
Passion has got nothing to do with the blameworthy game.

I was just thinking aloud to why shouldn't anyone become a Lawyer when my little sister summoned me to give a speech for her Career Day at her school this weekend. She, the sweet monet, believed that I spoke the contrary and suggested my name to her PTA. And ta-daa.

My God, I was just fooling around when I said none of us should suffer the mighty expectation of a judge, an opponent counsel and the client to do extremely well when you don't expect the same for yourselves.

Come to think of it, I might have said that in the truest sense.

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