just charred, not burnt

After having lunch with friends who insisted of going Delicious instead of Devis, I received a long winded sms of apology.

I had almost choked myself with tears reading the message.
Shall I reply?

Maybe never.
My pride is all I've got, and it got the best of me.

Maybe tomorrow.
I'm not a Monster.

But you know, I'm one of those few who'll write LODs ending with "may good sense prevail".
(Romantic kaaan Letters aku?)
Yup. Good sense, I got that.

P/s: Still considering going kopi O' Nite with Legalaiders tonight.
Saturday I'm off to my in Laws' place in Ipoh, and Sunday friends are kidnapping me to somewhere I don't know. I heard its in KKB. :) Here and there, 1 months to go!

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2= 18.5.07

I try to make it a habit to remember dates, much to the dismay of my husband (anniversaries dates, the first times bagai)

~ but after awhile it dawned to me I'm not that typical woman.
So much that I love facts, rearranging them, making them work for me, but I'm useless with dates, even my own.

There was once I received a bouquet of roses from him (while he was in India), that had me thinking..eh untuk apa ye?
Hahaha. Lepas tu baru teringat. Hahaha.

Anyway today I just remembered something:

It has been two months+ past the day I was called to the Bar 2 years ago.
Haih.

(To this my Boss said: I lost track of my own years too lah! I feel Oldddd!)

Anyway Mrs K, happy 2 years (+9 months) (+2 months delay) = 2 years and 11 months of practice!


(terasa seasoned! alah mengada)
No, there's a reason for me to say that, and I'm entitled to say that to very least because most of my Law coursemates had ceased practice.
Oh well.

Not so glamourous afterall, its all hard work. And some are not getting paid their worth.
But it pays to have the most independent profession, yes?
To be your own boss, to be in charge of your own matters, and to screw up alone too. Heheh!
(Emon, hahaha nak buat kau rindu-rinduan kat practice life).

So far so good.
Right now I have another 1 month and 5 days to enjoy my career, and I think I'll miss it soon enough when I'm away.

It is afterall, my passion.

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Don't use It

I read with interest whenever “it” gets mention.

Sometimes I wonder what does it mean by saying “they should be grateful” to us, for “letting” them in, “by willing to share what is ours”. As if this is a exclusive God-given entitlement that one should remind the others whenever the others seems to be getting more. Don’t they know, Allah helps the ones that helps themselves?

I am a Malay, by blood, by the constitution (which til now dazzles me) for I speak Malay and a born Muslim. My mother is quarter Chinese (her paternal grandmother) and the rest 75% is Melayu Bugis, the strong Bugis lineage in both of her parent is said to be directly linked to Bugis family in Sulawesi. My father on the other hand, is 100% pure Malay from Kelantan. I did ask him of our lineage, but he said as far as he could remember, that was it, but maybe to spice things up, he said maybe a touch of Pattani blood is there. We’ll never know. But this could only mean I’m a Malay, regardless if my genealogy geographically hailed outside of Malaya 100 years ago. I will call myself Bangsa Malaysia, and a proud Muslim.

The only strong “we are one” sentiment I have for this country is for my fellow countrymen, regardless of race and religion. You’ll never hear me say “alah memang janji Melayu”, “cakap macam k—“, “chinese drivers like that”, except in those afrorementioned illustrations. I never knew racial difference made a hard line in life, well, not in mine I think. I went to a good mixture of race in school, I can never tell the difference. My parents and my teachers had brought us up well.

But I soon had the experience when I was 12, when our school teacher Cikgu Zul, brought us out for lunch as a treat after we had painted murals on the wall of our school, to Subang Parade. There was a scuffle involving a Malay guy and a Chinese guy. I didn’t know why they argued, but the commotion drew our attention as they were shouting and exchanging insults. As young as I was, it was an everyday drama and I took no further notice of them (it was my first time out with friends in a shopping mall) but a friend of mine said this to me, which made me wonder til this day. She said “Tak baik la mamat Melayu tu. He said ‘balik la China’ to that Chinese guy”.

We were just 12 but we felt racial difference is an odd card to play with. I felt uneasy with the “balik la China” statement, it was harsh if not too surprising for me. And later as I reminisce my childhood did I realise that I was actually pleased with my friend who had shared the same feeling, only because I thought the uneaseness was caused by my own “sort of” betrayal to my own race, as I felt upset with the statement (when I should feel the same way with the Malay guy), but it was none of it.

I had been confronted with a friend who demanded my loyalty as we were showered with education aids, and again with their role obtaining independence. For one thing, wherever I am now it is on my own merit, I had not use my father’s connections if that’s what he meant nor had I any scholarships awarded simply because I prefer being independent. Now tell me, in what way didn’t I show my loyalty to this beloved country just because I remain non-partisant and critical to the ruling government? Even the revered Dato’ Onn Jaafar didn’t (later). I commended their good jobs done to the people, but if I sound selective, that is because certain issues aren’t settled. Hence the voice I have is a part of the People’s voice, a process of democracy, and thus supporting the due process of the country right? That is why, one of my aspiration is to give something back to the wonderful society that helped to shape the person that I am now. Regardless of what, I think I love my country more than one can imagine. And I love its people. They are all beautiful. There’s no place like home, and its not mine alone, I’m sure this feeling is shared by the beautiful people.

But like our lawyer Puspa said, the older generation is helpless (on the racial issue). The only hope is with the younger generation. Where the hope lies in truly colour blind so our nation can come forward. Come one, I’m sure you and I are already tired with this odd card being pulled out, just to let you know, “it” just won’t ace anymore.

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apa pekdahnya??

"They sincerely believe what they did was right to defend other Muslims, that's what worries me."- Noorul Huda Ismail, who once joined JI nd is now a researcher and head of the Institute for International Peacebuilding, an Indonesian foundation that seeks to reintegrate Islamist fighters into mainstream society.

No matter what you do, you can never raise sympathy the way Israel can do as an aggressor. And even they had to fork out money to do that. And you're not even in Palestine, so cut it out!
No, you're not even defending some military attack to start with.

9 dead, 55 injured.
What are they trying to prove?

Suicide bombing in our neighboring country in Jakarta made me frown.
I can never grasp the idea of bombing lavish hotels full of foreigners by any "Islamic radical" movements.

So far, the officials had pointed out their only suspect to the JI organisation, which the connections to their Malaysian bomb experts is too close.
Names like Mas Selamat, Azahari, and now Muhammad Mat Top might have caused a bit more than a stir in our stomaches.

So there's a reason for us to worry to, while reading the news you might have said " Oh well, its in Jakarta, so what, it'll never happen here".

I can never put into words of how human relations are so crucial that every minute touch counts, but who would care to give a damn? (Afterall I am extra-sensitive, friends might confirm this to my account.)

So when a bomb strikes, it can only mean more than one message.
But the way I see it, their actions only fueled Islamophobia.
While the Muslim Ummah is still nursing the ol' 9/11 wound.

Thanks, but no thanks.

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heads must roll

Something is wrong with that picture.
The police is "Polis Forensik", indicating that it happened in Malaysia. Malaysia pun Boleh!
The location is at Plaza Masalam, the same building that placed MACC Hq.
And they way his body landed sideways, his hands bracing for a fall.
Theories may appear, but conscience tells us this is definitely not suicide.

Why would someone who is not a suspect jump off from a building after the MACC's questioning?
Why would someone "stay back" at the HQ after the questioning?
Why is the MACC questioning session ended at 3 am? (police pun sampai pukul 6 petang je tau?)
Why is the long gap between the when the body was found at 1 pm and when he was released at 3 am?

It is MACC"s responsibililty to ensure his safety, and this all happened in their premises.
Why why why.

It does not make sense.

Condolences to Teoh Beng Hock's family, and to his fiance, whom he would've have registered their marriage today, his death will be avenged.

Rest In Peace TBH.

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allahumaghfirlahu warhamhu.

A relative of mine passed away few days ago.

Arwah was a firemen.
So we were brought to the Shah Alam Fire Station after the post mortem for Solat Jenazah.

Arwah didn't die because of any fire mishap.
They usally can overcome critical situations, afterall, they're professionally trained.

But he died in his sleep. Just 31 years old.
(The same age with my eldest sister) Young, with two young kids.

Doctors revealed his heart stopped beating, in his sleep.
Friends told us that they found him lying on the couch of his living room in his unit, the lights was not switched off, indicating that he only meant for a nap, to take a rest.
I could imagine he must've been very tired, to just came back from his shift and dozed to sleep not knowing it'll be eternal.

His mother was shocked to hear her youngest son died in such away. Suddenly.
She fainted few times.
Must've been very shocking, to the very least of emotions.
Afterall, arwah didn't have any health complication known of, and he was fit.
He didn't look as if he had any heart problems, he was not fat at all.
Tapi tulah.... ajal maut di tangan Tuhan.

Innalillah.
Shahriman
(1978-2009.)

p/s: peringatan untuk aku yang selalu tido dahulu sebelum solat isyak.


(Cerita sampingan: Seriously, that was my first time being in a Fire Station. I was excited (aku kan tomboy dulu) seeing the Fire Engines and yes, there were poles~one we could slide down aku ingat dalam cerita je ada? siap ada siren emergency from the tower..waaah! cepat je fire engine tu keluar, tak sampai seminit!)

When we arrived Yah quickly glanced to me and said "Sukalah tu. I know you like firemen" with that annoying look to tease me. I committed myself to embarrassment telling that to her once, but it never occurred to me of any importance why I said it, but here's my reasons.
Hah jangan ngengade ingat bukan-bukan !

True, I had always thought I'll marry one that would douse my hot temper or in truest sense, I had always been attracted to heroic-type of people.

Why specifically firemen, not policemen? I knew from I was young they receive duit kopi eughh. Memang turn off OK! I fear them.

Why not army..thing is, firemen could not save you from other evils but fire, which is not a human controlled. So it kinda made firemen a special league on their own. Yang lain tu macam boleh tercemar dengan agenda politik je?

Doctors? well, I haven't the slightest thought of marrying a doctor (sorry sayang?) But its not the same with lawyers, whom I made sure I'll never get involved with! hahahahaaaaa.) Kutuk diri sendiri. Ehem.

Anyway. siut je Yah.) Tu cerita Darjah dua laaa!

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diamonds in the rough

Yesterday the Israeli army IOF admitted that whatever they do amounts to war crimes, to the group "Israel Breaking the Silence". The soldiers openly admitted that they had killed civilians, using them as human shields, destroying homes without any justification following 'definite' orders.

Clearly it contradicted the Israeli government statement few months ago, saying that they were the one at the receiving end, and their re-action is a military defence.
(Bla bla bla. Mampus la korang, your army dah admit guilt on your behalf)

I suddenly remembered Dr Farish Noor informing a full-packed hall that they are several Israeli soldiers that had been imprisoned because they refused to follow orders (i.e to do harm to Palestinians). And they felt as if they're on their own, their people calls them traitors, and the rest of the world just don't see them.

Can anyone tell me how do I send postcards/cards/letters to this beautiful souls?
I just want to tell them their actions is an inspiration and may God bless their noble courage.
Surely it means something.

Semoga Allah memberi hidayah kepada mereka. Ameen.

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go to sleep

No way I'm gonna confirm. Sorry!

Don't lose sleep over this, we're just small people, so why worry.
Tired of your antics, your self-obsession fanatics.
Done with your lies and deceit, now we're moving on.
But you're too proud to say your sorries, to even ask why.
Afterall this is not your first time, but it shall be the last.

Of course I forgive you.
Its just that I'll bury the hatchet where I could remember.

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far from maddening crowd

So the tribe has spoken.
Manek Urai PAS-PR won by a slight margin.

Due to work constraint (on the weekends as well), I have not been able to jump into the happy- election-tourist-bandwagon this time, although I was tempted by Puspa to ride the train to Kelantan (and tempted over nasi berlauk and etok too) . But I had followed the pictorial news, and it seemed to me that the opposition's supporters seemed to be at their stronghold.

Not.
With a margin of lesser than hundred (I think), this could only mean that some quarters had been listening to UMNO. Whatever said or done by Muhyiddin (about the bridge especially) lands them in a big mess, but PM Najib 100 days popularity seemed to hit on the right note.

The 'undoing' of NEP, the releasing 19 ISA people, the PPSMI gone in three years, financial matters, 1Malaysia thingymajiggy (all the issues raised by everyone but UMNO) but credits goes to them seemed to work the magic.

With BN shadowing the people's concerns and interest, seems like a mirror image to what PKR is doing. Right time. Doesn't matter if its a messy wrong move.

Leverage
Understanding Kelantanese people is by not putting them into direct classification of political loyalty, but~ the spiritual strength of PAS had seemed to have been leveled-out with the rest of the PR's liberals. I can only think of PAS being really Islamic conservative would appeal more to the Kelantanese more than PAs being friendly with the more modern parties, it just would not set the difference to UMNO, would it?

I could be wrong, but.
That's just my take.

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post Monday blues.

see more Fail Blog

sigh. Its one of the days.
Its not even a Monday for it to blamed at.

neverending phone ringing
the only staff here is still on leave
today's dateline for arbi submissiom
and its still sitting on the Boss' desk
client neverending stops by the office
while the Boss conveniently went out
I can't seem to focus on working on anything
the Husband is not feeling well
Yah had left for tudung shopping in Jalan TAR
Naah. All in a day's work.

Keep on looking for the reason that ticks you off, when actually you know the answer at the back of your head.
And you know there's nothing you can do about it.
Just because you think you know how to go about it and that you're used to it, doesn't mean its a walk in the park.

Nothing works.
Not even comfort food.

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no country for old men

There's always a crazy Anton Chigurh wailing every evil minion's step.
The very move of his is catastrophic, and his vices are god-damned bigger than drugs and money.
Well, drugs and money~ thats where everything rotten started to roll.

And actually, the evil minions didn't start bad, they're just opportunist.
Thinking that they could get away.
Getting away clean, is not possible, but too bad they didn't know it.
They should know dirty buck stops right here -before their eyes, not in their hands.

And there's always Sheriff Ed Tom, a heroic stature in all the mess.
Good, but not good enough to keep up.
The patriotic kind that would reminisce about the good old days and compared with themselves.
But not with what the future holds for them.

In any country, either the young ones die young battling, or the old men retire early, at the prospects of the young ones.

Its not just in the wild wild west, you know.
Rhetorically applies here, no country for old men either.

Finally done with the banned film 'No Country For Old Men'.
Its fairly good, received rave reviews on it and I found myself on the edge of the seat (literally, but I was on the bed, watching it via the laptop).

(Its not because its banned that I had just recently watched it as if I have been searching high and low for it, Mr K would've downloaded for me- but knowing me, I delay watching "screening now movies"or rather when the show had been sold out the hype is already gone, I ain't watching them no sir, I believe saving the best for the last. Except, of course, for company). Alasan.

Lembab je sebenarnya.
Atau takde masa nak gi tengok muvi.
Fact is, I miss going out to the movies with him.

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Kenapa Orang Melayu tak pandai English

Saya yang terlewatkan isu ni.

Tapi jangan pandang sepi pendapat saya ni, walaupun saya bukan (belum?) lagi menjadi ahli akademik, ahli sastera dan atau ahli negara. Saya fikir, bukan sebab majoriti matapelajaran duniawi dalam Bahasa Melayu, sebab tu bangsa kita mundur dan tak pandai berbahasa English.

Eleh. Jangan sebab politik kita jadikan generasi akan datang bahan ujikaji.

Tapi saya rasa kebanyakan kita yang boleh tahan terer berbahasa English akan mengakui, pembelajaran di luar sekolah yang membuatkan kita pandai cakap English sampai berabuk.
Pelik, tapi benar.

My Two Cents:
Antara sebab kenapa orang kita tak pandai-pandai English, saya rasalah:

Malas baca buku English/ budaya malas cari ilmu
-Kenapa malas? banyak sangat hiburan yang jauh lebih mudah dari buku
-maaf, di negara kita budaya ilmu ni tak segah konsert jum heboh.
-buku mahal dan terkadang dilihat sebagai budaya 'elitist' (teringat IKD haha)
- jangankan wikipedia, rata-rata budak2 sekolah buka internet bukan cari ilmu, tapi kemaskini facebook dsb.

Contoh melalui tauladan
-dulu zaman mak ayah kita yang ada English Medium, cikgu-cikgu yang menagajar bahasa atau dalam bahasa English, adalah Curby trained (eh betulke macam tu ejaannya Mak?)
-kesian cikgu-cikgu kita sekarang, dah la takde training curby tu, diharap pulak mengajar dalam bahasa English padahal masa kat maktab tak pulak kan?

Orang yang cadangkan PPSMI ni tak fikirke kondisi sosial kita yang banyak mempengaruhi taraf pendidikan kita? Bukan bahasa.

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weekends off! (well almost)

First time in 3 months I had my weekends off.

Sangat best OK.
I can let my feet off and not preparing for any activities.
Hm, that if you consider the breakfast with Datuk Mukhriz Mahathir ast Saturday in Bangsar as something "informal".

So tak prepare pape.
Ingatkan boleh borak2 biasa.

But when I arrived (quite late), the table was rocketing the discussion with FICs and APs.
*Gasp*.
Corporate world is still alien to me, I can't chip in just to save my own life.

Nasib baiklah Mukhriz did touch upon his Aman Malaysia peace mission in Palestine and a little bit on Police (non)duties.
Bolehla jugak menyampuk.

Maybe I came later than everyone else, or maybe I was still segan, but I should've just spoke whatever there is on my mind, the prevailing issues, as MM was all systems go in the discussion.
Well, next time lah.
What about Mukhriz?
I think he's cool.
Cool enough to sms to thank me for my time. Haha (should be the other way round kan?)
Ok lah, he invited us over for brekfast, just to get to know whats the deal with young people.
Despite his allegiance and what not, I look forward to discuss with him in the future.

Anyway its already July, and so far "work" with the Selangor OSCC brought me to places I never imagine going.
Nak travel India, negeri sendiri pun tak cover habis.

The roadshow brought me to various DUNs in Selangor, as far as Pulai Klang, Dusun Tua, Batang Kali, Semenyih, the flat area in Gombak, Ampang.
I can see the people's eagerness to improve the society's awareness, something that I thought only urban elitist "cared" to parade it for whatever reason only they know.

Oh ye. Buat masa ni umum mengetahui saya tidak menyertai mana2 parti politik, tapi saya sangat puji kesungguhan Kerajaan Negeri Selangor yang sanggup turun padang setiap minggu untuk kempen OSCC.

I can see their honest and sincere effort, and really I can really see the people are very appreciative of the State Govt's initiative.
Kudos kak Ogy (YB Rodziah) and Ir Endok Sempo, Director of Wirda Selangor, and the dedicated volunteers at Wirda Selangor.

So I had my weekends off and still I talk about work. Sigh.
Anyway.
Sunday I stayed home and am just happy to spend it with the family.

I went head-hunting for red canvas shoes.
With no avail. Ahhhh kecewa.
Syafiq Sunny suggested Converse, but all I want is good'ol Pallas Jazz.
Mana nak cari?

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bombshell shock

Dropping the Bomb
Finally I told The Boss. That I'm leaving.
Well, he didn't raise his voice or shown any volcanic emotions, which I rather actually, because his sudden sad change in his face and voice made me feel bad.

Etching a dream: Taj Mahal

Anyway, I have another 57 days to go~ lets not mix more emotions shall we?


Shell shock
Last night was my first trip to a Pakatan Rakyat Ceramah (or in any other way, my first Political ceramah), I was curious (and will remain curious, hence I might not join any of them any soon), last night held at the Kelana Jaya Stadium.
Lim Kit Siang, DSAI spoke.
Too bad Tok Guru didn't come. I was hoping to hear him the most. I think he's cool.

LKS on the big screen

Anyway on the way there we were hit by a Bus from the back (loaded with Teachers).
And because of the momentum, we hit another car.
Untimely accident, unfortunate witnesses.

Puspa's little miracle that kept us alive~ Alhamdulilah

No break neckspeed but the collision was hard and fast, Faisal who sat at the back was vaulted to the front, and my chest was tugged by the seatbelt, so there were bruises there and my neck still hurts ~but we're Ok.

In split second between the two hits I was already thinking to myself: This Is It The End.
But Alhamdulillah.
Alive and kicking, and we continued to soldier on to the Stadium.

shaken not stirred: we're ok.
Duduk2 di rumput hijau mendengar orang bercerita adalah best.

p/s: I still hate rude police officers.
I say "rude" not all.
Hey,I enjoy talking to the Inspector ladies in Department B1 (that's sexual crimes for you)

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