Sunday, January 21, 2007

unbreaking a broken heart

Confessions of a daughter:

I'd never been so grateful to my parents. I think.
Moreover to my dad, I think.

My resentment to him is just like of any teenagers', he cut me off from soon-to-be boyfriends during junior high, asked my brothers to straight-talk with the guys who had high-fived me after school, and tore my ethan hawke and skeet ulrich posters off my bedroom wall (though, he left the pink floyd's division of the bell intact i tell you). And had even emotionally blackmailed me by hinting that he would marry me off to any boyfriends or petbrothers that came along or whoever who dared to call our number.

But my childhood, is like no other.
I grew up in this family and my dad as the father.
Really.If I were to summed it all up, I would still question why did mom and dad got married in the first place anyway, they're worlds apart and not even heaven or hell could unite them.
But they did.

My answer to my own question is that so all of us, the offsprings were born.

To some parts of my dad's misfortunes and misgiving, I had, but recently I learnt that nothing is perfect and everyone hurts, held the anger for so long.

But I'm only 23 and I had never called anyone else my dad except my own.
So yeah, he's not perfect but I love him.
In my own ways lah.

I look up on him.
Though unknowingly, he made such an impact on my personal development, although it can be said that I'd always been with mom.

I was 5 and after observing long enough him shaving in the toilet, I thought it was cool. So I shaved the whole of my body, there goes my eyebrow, my moustache my everything!

I always wanted to be him. So that's my factor of ever becoming a tomboy, so I can drive fast cars and wear pants to work.

I had always been amazed to cars, and I like following him to workshops where his cars, were about to be modified and listened to him attentively about hair-pins turns, three points bucket seats and would cry when he went to the rally without me.

My musical taste had always been influenced by him. Who now knows comfortably numb by heart, and you're talking about my generation who has the u2 as their classics while ours would be ritchie blackmore and pink floyds.

My interest in books too. I can thank him for the enormous library we used to have, and the amount of patience he had for our books, which may seem nonsensical to him, but he bought it anyway.

And in many other ways I cannot explain or put enough here.

I would not go another day without him, that is the truth.
And the fact that he fears that I do, discomforts me.

Maybe I shoud mend my ways and be a gentler daughter I should, afterall we only live once.
And why not give the joy of living back to the ones who had gave us our lives?

Thank God, for my mom and my dad.
I love thou for them both.


sashaLAH 6 February 2007 at 14:22:00 GMT+8  

affIE..scchhwweeeT..glad uvve got the chance to see thgs in that perspective!!wish n hope mine is on the way...
c..not only i am NICE...ure sooo many wayS...

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