my apprehensiveness is killing me.

and i'm turning into this almost jelly-like creature, squirming silent fears.

whatdoido~whatdoido~whatdoido!!

• weekly gossip with oldtime buddy fara-e did drown my anxiety, good for a couple of hours, if i can sit down just laugh at her messy messy life at the art gallery, her survival of having to do everything but yet nothing, and it'll stuck on good if i can remember that everything has a way out. Everything has a solution and everything happens for a reason.

• then daddy had to spoil the positive energy, by being realistically affirmative to my fear, by saying: "every solution is new problem". Damnit. So much for positive thinking.

• yah: I can almost hear she scream in my head: "I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU SO" but in real-time, she is my lifesaver and and and she would do anything to save me from this mess but but but but had I not listened to her advice? I did. But I proceeded. Soo...

• okay so workload at the office and the uneasy stares of the judges (its actually MORE evidently coming from the clerks, i'm exxaggerating) get me off from thinking of the uncertainties, but come on! who gets happier with modern time slavery?

• my him. He's being extra extra sweet and all, but I really don't want to trouble him (sorry dearest) anymore.

• so i pray. Only heavens above can uplift this bludgeoning scary thoughts and save us from any harm. Ameen. InsyaAllah.

I'm such a mess.

Any suggestions?