love letter to Sara

I will love you forever.

No words can describe, no depth of feelings can paint, the way I feel everytime I wake to find myself thinking about you.
The torment in the heart, the warm in yours.
The treacherous life and sweet death.

Did i found you much too late, dear angel?

The rain was drizzling outside. Not too much for it to melt the paint, I hope.
I had painted the grill to my home almost done, in the colours I think you would love. Sky blue. Yah had said it made our house look cartoony, as oppose to rustic mid night blue.
I tried, Sara, I tried.

To runaway from guilt. This guilt.

Remember the unknown poems I had written years ago while in Penang?
I had my back rested on Gurney Dr., towards the tomb of the heroic deads. I wrote two for you. Two of those entitled "To Sarah" and "To Sarah pt. II".
Little did I know it was meant for you. It is all yours, Sara, i swear.
God must have known how wretched I'll feel now for Him to inspire you to me then.

I am.
Broken.

Have I lost you forever?
Can I borrow your spirit for me to live my life like you lived your life?
When you were diagnosed with terminal lung cancer and you smiled "I'm Special. God chose me. He loves Me". And I believe, Sara.

You fought. You lived your life happy.
Collections of dreams and smiling faces from you to the world.
And in God embrace you return.

You understood something that I am still trying to find.
But I will, someday, and till that day comes, I will carry your smile.

Sara, I don't know you much.
But I will love you forever.

Innalillah.
Al-fatihah buat Almarhum Wan Maisara Aziz.
Visit her blog here