Friday, August 19, 2011

19 hari

Masuk minggu ketiga puasa, berat badan saya susut hampir 2kg. Berpuasa sambil menyusukan anak memang sangat-sangat mencabar. Tiba waktu petang, kepala saya terasa kosong, seakan-akan diisi angin dan tekak menjadi sangat kering. Seolah-olah ini kali pertama saya belajar berpuasa. Very draining.

Pengalaman puasa saya bermula semasa saya berumur 7 tahun. Saya tak pasti bagaimana saya boleh berpuasa penuh, yang nyata tiada metod khusus yang diajar oleh mak abah.Tidak pernah juga kami digula-gulakan dengan juadah iftar, cuma seingat saya, mak abah ‘mengajak’ kami berpuasa. Diajak bangun sahur. Tak nak bangun, sudah.

Tapi mengingatkan ketika itu saya yang masih kecil, agak lucu apabali  pemandu kami yang baik hati, Auntie Gan sering merasa kesian kepada kami adik beradik, terutama saya dan Zakiah yang masih kecil dan selalu berhenti di gerai minuman tebu untuk membelikan  air. Katanya ‘jangan risau, auntie dah Tanya semua orang. Budak-budak tak payah puasa maa. Kesian lu orang, nah auntie belanja”. Tapi seakan-akan sudah berjanji pada mak,air tebu yang sejuk tu hanya dipegang, direnung dan  tiba dirumah, air disimpan terus dalam peti sejuk. (Ada jugak 2-3 kali saya jenguk air tebu, nak make sure isinya tak berkurangan) hehe.

(Dengan Auntie Gan juga saya belajar untuk bermain dengan anjing. Saya nak sangat betulkan persepsi Melayu presumed to be Muslim kat Malaysia ni, menyayangi anjing bukan sama dengan menghina Nabi-tajuk Majalah Mestika yang agak tolol. Main, dan basuh dengan tanah. Tak susah. Islam tak susah. )

Tapi kali pertama saya dikenalkan dengan ibadah puasa, sebenarnya semasa saya di Tadika Husna, taski kelolaan Jim Petaling (yang menemukan saya dengan Aliza dan anak tuan punya tadika, Maryam Aizuddin yang seringkali dibuli sebab saiznya yang kiutmiut. Hahaha jahat.). Pun masa tu kami tidak diajar puasa dengan paksaan, Cuma dijanjikan manis syurga. Percayalah, ceritakan keindahan syurga pada kanak-kanak, memang berkesan. Akan saya praktikkan pada Hanzalah, insyaAllah.

p.s : perasan tak, waktu puasa ni, ramai betul kaum adam yang tiba-tiba menjadi sungguh ‘fatherly’? keluar dari McDonalds’ dengan Happy Meal berbondong-bondong, waktu lunch hour. Wow. Muda-muda pun dah ada 3-4 anak. Bukan seorang, tapi satu waktu tu ada 5-6 orang lelaki Melayu presumed to be Muslims yang buat macam tu.


Sunday, August 14, 2011

satanic steps

After two weeks of Ramadhan (or 28 years, 4 months and 23 days to be exact) I finally concede that evil can outsmart us in the most spectacular ways, so subtle you will not realise that it was wrong at the first instance.

Bit by bit, it whispers the things you're almost familiar with, never would it startle you with something that you're not comfortable with.
Until it snowballs into something bigger and you're in so much mess when you realise you shouldn't have started it. But by then, it's already almost, too late.

Like an addiction. If you ask the hardcore drug hippies, they'll tell you the same thing.
Alcohols. Prostitution. Telling lies. Crimes. Zoning out of Allah's mercy.
It all started with a simple 'alah, sikit je ni- takde pape pun ni..'

How it can be disguised even after full prayers, full hijab and clean intentions.
Remember how easy it was for satan to entice numbers of 'Abids, just when they started to think 'I can always repent later?, for Allah is Merciful"

Like a game of chess, but how many pawns do you have to sacrifice in losing the battle for you to win the war?
Now I know better.

Be sure to make your move, your move.

Hassan Al-Basri (radiyAllahu' anh) identified 6 ways that the heart can become corrupted:1} Committing sins in the hope of repenting,2} Seeking knowledge and not applying it,3} Practice without sincerity,4} Eating the sustenance of Allah without appreciating Him,5} Not being pleased with the decree of Allah, 6} Burying the dead without learning from them.


Wednesday, August 10, 2011

cause and effect

In my fifth year of legal practice, I noticed somehow everything I encounter is translated to Legal semantics, cause and effect, almost mathematically, always automatically. 

Like when I'm reminded to recent personal event, I would start listing all the Latin maxims:
Persona non grata. Damnatio memoriae .Ex turpi causa non oritur actio which I loosely translate it as niat tidak menghalalkan cara. 

Like how I see the recent London riots had nothing to do with the effectual incident (as you might already see, pro BN fanbois are suddenly posting youtubes on the aftermath of the riot, and heh aren't they all quite happy to see the bashing of our student?), but rather I see it as a working class uprising.

Stop- before any of you fanbois say 'that's why we need to curb these demonstrations, its not safe etc etc'.

What you don't see is, the cause of the riot.
For a nation that respects the rule of law, it still has a wide disparity of social classes, and this alone can never guarantee permanent peace. It's an ongoing process which needs to be checked and re-checked. Always. But not in Malaysia, IMHO rule of law only exist in the scribbles of my legal notes while I was studying Constitution.And think these people would rather wait until the gap between the rich and the poor becomes as wide as heaven, than to correct it.


Anyway I wish I can be objective in (subconsciously) automated legal thinking while working too. Or when I really need to.
Now my brain plays dead on me while I frantically searching for cases to be referred for next Monday's submission. Even with Lexis, everything seems to be AWOL. 

Cause: rollercoaster emotions, and a huge wave of love for my men~ Khalis n Hanz.
Effect: neverending daydreaming. Haiyohhhh I need to get back to my subs la wey!

Alhamdulillah ya Allah for my family.


Monday, August 01, 2011

1 ramadhan

Brought Little Leif for his first Tarawikh experience.

Suffice to say, I think everyone at the last row would remember (while praying) a little boy crawling across the hall as fast as he could away from the defocused mother. Haih. I could almost hear some trying not to giggle.

I even left before the Tarawikh started, after successfully chasing and yanking the
babbling baby from meddling with other people's sejadah.
He was trying to match the Imam's prayers.

And the score is: Hanzalah 1- Ibu 0.

Hanzo, you're so grounded.


Missing the funny  Leif now, starting this month he's stationed with a new nanny- no more nanny Macu who's heading back to campus life. Thank you Macu and ayacik for your care :')

Ramadhan Mubarak! May we attain the pleasure of seeking of His pleasure in this holy month :)


toi plus moi =)

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